From X-Rays to X-Rated Pt II...

Even though I was very disappointed that I had to withdraw from the X-Ray Tech program this past October, my saving grace was the fact that I still had other ventures to look forward to. Sex Education has always been an interest of mine and I *thought* I was transitioning into that goal this past Fall.

And then, I wasn't selected. Boo!

So, I figured Sex Ed and I weren't ready for each other...yet. Just recently, I was even more disappointed when I had to permanently withdraw from the X-Ray Program because of the fight between "work=health insurance" vs. "school=financial security". Decision making time came and there was still no change in the work situation that forced me to withdraw in the first place.

So, "work=health insurance" won the final round for obvious reasons.

I felt like I hit a brick wall. I'm going to be completely honest and say that I was utterly unsatisfied with the direction my life was headed. My going to Rad Tech school was the whole reason why we sold our "Home Sweet Home"!!! So, I did all of those years of night school to get my Associates and sold my house...for nothing.

No upcoming career in Radiography so I could afford to go to school full time someday. No getting a Bachelors in Health Education within the next 5 years. No eventual Masters in Sex Ed.

Nope, my plan changed -- BIG TIME -- so my "goal map" had to be re-routed. "Real school" has to wait because it will always be there and good health insurance is hard to come by. I must temporarily "swallow my dreams" for the sake of my cubs. My friend B introduced the "dream swallowing" concept to me and I think it's absolutely brilliant. Despite all of the dream swallowing that woman must do so her offspring can achieve dreams of their own, what I've learned about motherhood is that our swallowed dreams can be regurgitated. Motherhood has been the most fulfilling experience that I've ever had, but I fully digest my dreams and discard them as waste, what will I have left once my cubs have left the den?

With time, we can and should regurgitate all of those dreams that we once swallowed.

Maybe we can't move to Hollywood to pursue an acting career or stop working completely to become a Sex Therapist,but we can still find ways to reclaim our old selves. There are always alternatives. :) Our kids come first, but us Moms need to remember about ourselves. God willing, I firmly believe that we can do anything that we put our minds to. Of course we must always stop short from putting our personal needs before our children, but having kids should not equal the end of life as we know it.

God didn't give us gag reflex for nothing. ;-)

Gagging hurts, but for us unconventional Moms who did things backwards, it takes a little more pain to make things happen. No worthwhile goal ever comes easily. And we have to work extra hard to be the women we once were. So, induce your metaphorical vomiting when you're able to deal with the mess. It may hurt, but you'll feel much better once you've gotten it out of your system and out in the open.

I'm in the midst of my regurgitation.

I've learned that I need to stop stressing about my mess and figure out how to clean it all up. It doesn't look like can't go to school full time anytime soon -- I may never be a Sex Therapist -- but I did find an alternative. I was so excited
about getting into the Sex Ed training before I got shot down. I remained reluctant about reapplying up until one week before the next orientation session. I sucked it up and I did not allow myself to become discouraged just because I wasn't chosen the first time around. I reapplied and attended orientation last week. Remember the class that I mentioned?

I just found out on Monday that I got in. :)

It so happened that I was going out with B for Happy Hour later that evening. And it was sooo nice to celebrate my mini-accomplishment with a fellow "dream swallower". My alternative will be just as satisfying as the "real thing".

So, say hello to SFSI's newest Sex Educator trainee. :)