Remembering to take a picture of a happy moment comes naturally to people. If you know me well, then you know that I take pictures of both the good and the bad.
Why do I do this?
Because my biggest regret about Ethan's passing was not taking pictures. At the time, I thought I wouldn't want to ever re-live that moment. Now, almost seven years later, I regret not documenting how beautiful his funeral was and how blessed we were (are!) to have so many people love and support us.
I learned long ago that there is always something to be grateful for even in the worst times. You just have to look real hard and have faith that the epiphany will come to you. Life is beautiful even at its darkest hour...believe me when I say this! While I may not always see the beauty right away, I have hope that I can look back on a specific photo of a "bad time" and learn something new about myself.
My faith plays a huge part in how I'm able to survive (and how we are able to survive as a family!) despite so many hurdles thrown our way. Being able to look retrospectively at yourself is essential to maintaining endurance...and sanity, of course. Every experience we have is a learning opportunity and there is always room for personal growth. I'm a firm believer that anyone in our shoes would be able to do the same. All parents have the ability to channel amazing strength when it comes to their children.
So, what's the deal with this picture?
This photo was taken in the recovery room after Noah's surgery. It was a long, worry-filled day to say the least. Now that I've had the time to look back on the photos from that day, this particular photo stood out to me. It may seem insignificant, but the revelation I got while staring at it hit me like a ton of bricks.
This guy right here is my soulmate.
Our love is far from perfect, but he is one of the biggest blessings in my life. I really don't think I could endure any of this without him by my side. I often take him for granted. And... I forget to appreciate him in all the chaos that comes with raising six little lions. He brings me dinner in bed when I'm feeling sick (which is often.) He will wake up at 3am to get me drink because I'm still afraid of ghosts and the dark at 32 years old. He doesn't give me a hard time about it either...most of the time. And that's just naming a few of my oddities...
I guess what I'm trying to say is that he can be brave when I am weak. He is my match. Looking at this photo 3 days later made me remember how lucky I am to have this man by my side.