Let's Talk About The Birds & The Bees

I finally did it, I submitted the sex & bleeding disorders blog post that I drafted long ago! I had to tone it down quite a bit -- if you know me IRL that you guys know how much more I could have explored this topic in detail -- but I'm very happy with how the post turned out. I edited it quite a bit before I submitted -- and omitted a lot of the "super taboo" content -- but I still felt like my orginal submission sounded a bit...strained. I had to choose my words wisely because I didn't want to make the post too offensive or taboo. Thank goodness for awesome editors. I'm happy to report that I haven't got any negative feedback from this post. ;-)

Anyhoo, here it is. Enjoy!

http://hemaware.org/blogs/diary-hemomom/let%E2%80%99s-talk-about-birds-and-bees

Last spring I received my sex educator certification from San Francisco Sex Information (SFSI), a nonprofit organization that provides free, confidential, nonjudgmental sex information. SFSI is the only organization of its kind and answers questions from all around the world via switchboard and e-mail.

The organization provides invaluable information and appropriate referrals to people who may be too embarrassed to ask healthcare professionals or cannot locate legitimate information on the almighty Internet. SFSI’s training program covers reproduction, birth control, safer sex practices, HIV, STDs, gender identity and sexual identity. I am proud to be a SFSI-trained sex educator.

For a lot of people, the subject of sex is taboo. I understand why, but I believe our society should make a greater effort to provide comprehensive, nonjudgmental sex information to those who want it. Sure, the public schools provide some sex education, but what we learn about sex, intimacy and relationships also comes from home. More often than not, we come from a home environment that inhibits discussing sex and intimacy. (Well, at least I did.)

I’m not saying all parents should feel obligated to educate their children about sex, but at the very least they should have the resources to direct them to good information, should questions come up.

Sex and Bleeding Disorders

When I was in SFSI’s program, the training staff conducted a session on sex and disability. There was no mention of bleeding disorders, but it got me thinking about how I would probably have to modify my “birds and bees” talk with Niki. If and when Niki decides she wants to talk with me about sex, I want to be prepared. John thought I was nuts—he’s still hoping both of our daughters will become nuns—but I started researching information on sex and bleeding disorders while I was a trainee.

Unfortunately, I quickly learned there is very little information available about sex and bleeding disorders. I was surprised that there was hardly any condition-specific information on sexual issues related to women with bleeding disorders. And, I was even more disappointed to find absolutely no information on sexual intimacy for gay, lesbian and transgendered members of our community!

As a sex educator and member of the bleeding disorders community, I was concerned. As a mother, I was concerned! Not about Niki’s sex life—which, let’s face it, is many, many years away—but it made me wonder how members of our community learned about how their bleeding disorder affects their sexual relationships. Relationships, communication and sexual intimacy are already difficult in a “normal” situation. I imagine that throwing a bleeding disorder into the mix only exacerbates potential issues that could come up. Did they have to learn things the hard way?

Sex Info Should Come From Reputable Sources

Knowledge is power, and I didn’t have that when I was growing up. Everything I learned about sex came from school, peers and, unfortunately, teenage naiveté and experimentation. (It’s a darn good thing that John ended up being a good guy!) I don’t want Niki—or any of my children, for that matter—to be like I was. These days, everyone goes to Google for information, but there is so much sex information on the Internet that is inaccurate or serving some sort of agenda!

It is especially important to me that Niki be as informed as possible about how her condition can affect her sexual intimacy. As awesome as her female hematologist is, I don’t know if Niki will feel comfortable asking her about “embarrassing sex stuff” when that time comes. I’m equipped with enough knowledge to talk with Niki about dealing with menorrhagia when she has her period, but there are so many other things I want her to be prepared for. I read about one woman’s account of the excessive bleeding that occurred on her wedding night. And I hadn’t even thought about that type of bleeding being an issue!

I was pleased to learn that this year’s Annual Meeting was having a session on women with bleeding disorders and intimacy. At that session I heard for the first time that bleeding can be an issue even after first intercourse. If I could split myself in two, I would have attended the men’s intimacy session, too. I’m sure there was a lot I could have learned there as well.

The lack of sex information available to both male and female members of our community worries me. The little information that I have seen seems to be geared toward the mainstream idea that everyone is heterosexual or married. I wish I knew why so little information is available on sex and bleeding disorders. Maybe people are too embarrassed to ask for it. Or perhaps they are asking their doctors about it, but no one has made a collaborative effort to put this information out there for mass consumption.

Medical students don’t receive a great deal of formal instruction on human sexuality unless they specialize in it. So, we cannot rely solely on health professionals to educate our community, either.

I hope I’m not the only HemoParent who feels this way. The fact is, it’s up to our community to realize this issue is important enough to discuss.

Good Times with Good Friends...

I first heard about the Folsom Street Fair in 2001. At the time, I was working as a Technical Recruiter for a gay/minority/woman-owned staffing agency in the Financial District. (Working there was BEST time of my life, by the way.) I've wanted to go to Folsom ever since my co-workers told me about it, but I never had the opportunity to go. Well, that was until last weekend anyway...

Sunday, September 26, 2010 was the Folsom Street Fair!!!!!!

I originally planned on volunteering for SFSI's beer booth (one of the nifty things I can do with my Sex Educator certification), but I couldn't make the ABC training date. Nevertheless, I still had my heart set on going. I didn't have any prior obligations, so I started an early morning mission to find someone to accompany me. (John opted to tame the cubs by his lonesome rather than join me to partake in the festivities.) The good news is my very good friend TZ agreed to join me. We planned on meeting our friends C & JNG there so that was an added plus!  TZ and I both had to attend Mass, and I picked her up at around 2:30. Afterward, it was on to debauchery!

Here are a few R-rated pics from that day. Enjoy...or not depending on what you're into. ;-)

 One of the coolest ladies ever! She also does G-rated kid's parties. ;-)

 Creative, no?

 SFSI's Beer Booth! :)

Vendor booths...

 I wanted one of these and a whip ('cause you know I'm a Lion Tamer), but I didn't want draw attention to myself. I regret not getting one though....

Festival Attendees. And yes, there was a silent Christian protester in the crowd too.

 

 I really like this picture...

And of course, what's the Folsom Street Fair without some flogging!?

 That paddle did some serious damage on one person, but he seemed to enjoy it!

Eventually, all of the public whipping and leather was "too much". My mind had "fetish overload." You see it once, you've seen it all, right? Besides, I'm pregnant and it was H-O-T so a small minority of people smelled funkier than usual. My friends and I were also very careful about NOT bumping into some of the people there because they were full on nude. Some were cute/beautiful, but others well...not so much. After a pretty kick-ass time wandering the Fair and meeting new people, we all decided to call it quits. TZ & I said our goodbyes to C & JNG, and off to the Greek Food Festival we went! We plan on having a more low-key get together the next time we hang out. And if you're reading this...thanks for the memories ladies! I couldn't have asked for a better group of gals to experience Folsom with. Too bad I can't post that x-rated picture of us and that lady. ;-)

San Francisco is amazingly diverse. The Greek Food Festival was taking place at a Greek Orthodox Church in The Mission on 16th. The Folsom Street Fair was taking place in SoMa on 12th! There was such a stark contrast between the events taking in both neighborhoods. We went from leathers/whips/fetishes to Latin culture immersion to Greece in less than a 5 minute drive. Only in SF my friends!

Here are a few pictures from our "trip to Greece."

TZ does her own nails. :)

 

 

This bird was completely tame.

What's a Greek Food Festival without some Baklava!? This one was super delish. 

TZ and I started and ended our day with church. We talked about how this coincidence was probably a sign that God starts and ends everything. God is ever present...even in the midst of "sinfulness." (See "Christian Protestor Pic" from Folsom.) Sunday, Sept. 26th was an awesomely PERFECT day. TZ made some new friends at the Folsom Street Fair while I met some good friends of hers at the Greek Food Festival. And, I even had the opportunity to finally catch up with my very good friend "E" (TZ's brother.) I really love and admire that sibling duo so it's always nice to hang out with them. I'm always in awe of how passionate and spiritual they are, and I wish I could share their friendship with the world. I went home that day feeling refreshed, relaxed and ready to tame my lions. :)

The following day (Monday 9/27/10) I had a fabulous dinner date with my best friend, "K." We've known each other since we were about Kevin's age. Our lifelong friendship/bond makes me wonder which friends my cubs will carry through their lifetime. K is more like a sister than "just a friend." I can cast my burdens on her and feel little to zero guilt about her acting as my pseudo-therapist. I often joke that I should start paying her for our sessions. There is always something special about swapping funny stories and "real life woes" with K. We probably overstayed our welcome at Elephant Bar, but it was worth it. I got to indulge in sweet potato fries for the first time (thanks for introducing me to this delectable treat, K.) More importantly, I left our dinner date with a full belly and a less-burdened heart. I have the BEST FRIEND a girl could ever ask for. Like, really. I hope and pray everyone has a friend like K in their lives.

I went home with the best mood ever. The kids were bathed, fed, and homework was done! Wow. John was really trying to butter me up for his Pismo trip. A few weeks ago E (godfather to all of our cubs) gave the boys some nifty art supplies/toys. So, my dinner date with K was followed by an impromptu "bone digging" session with my cubs. I love doing tactile fun-stuffs with my boys. Kicking back with my cubs was the perfect way to end a perfect night.

*Sigh* I wish every work week started this way. More blog posts to come. :)

Fireball, Teeth, and Church...

July 27, 2010

Tuesday, July 27th, was quite eventful -- I caught a glimpse of Fireball 2, had another appointment with Dr. K, my OB/GYN, Kevie & Boo had a dental appointment, and I attended my sisters/stepmama's 96th anniversary Bible study/celebration for their church.

I started my morning by heading over the San Francisco Kaiser to have Nuchal Translucency test in Perinatology. This particular screening involves a blood test (which I completed a few weeks ago) followed by an ultrasound to measure the width of the baby's nucal fold. The width of the fold combined with the results of the blood test, can determine that baby's likelihood of being affected by chromosomal abnormalities like Down Syndrome or Trisonomy 13. The screening was completely optional based on my age, but I've been a huge fan of being "safe rather than sorry" ever since Ethan passed away. The results of the scan wouldn't change my decision to continue to pregnancy, but I'm totally Type-A and I like being prepared. Besides, ultrasounds are fun. :)

I held my urine for the exam (which I might add is VERY hard to do when you hear running water while brushing your teeth), got stuck in traffic, and fought for parking, but I made it to my appointment and had the opportunity to watch Fireball 2 dance on the screen for 30 glorious minutes. I hadn't eaten breakfast yet, but Fireball 2 was full of energy. He/she wasn't compliant with the exam at all. FB2 kept squirming, twisting, and arching his/her back which made it very difficult for the ultrasound tech to measure his/her nucal fold.

The tech vigorously tapped/shook my uterus with the probe several times in an attempt to get the baby to move, but the little bugger was stubborn. It mildly ticked me off that the tech was tapping my uterus while my friggin bladder was ready to burst, but she had to do what she had to do. However, I felt a little more defensive every time I'd see poor Fireball 2's head/body bouncing and wobbling all over the screen from the taps. I told John about it after the appointment and he reminded me that it's probably worse for Fireball 2 during sex.

Poor little guy/gal.

The good news was the tests and ultrasound came back negative so it was all worth it. (Not that a positive result would change my mind about continuing with this pregnancy.) And, I walked away with some nifty pictures of Fireball 2. Evidently, this kid does not have the de Leon schnozzle. Hooray! After staring at the baby for 30 minutes, I'm starting to think this kid is a girl. And if so....I'm excited! Every girl needs a sister to fight and be best friends with. :)

Fireball 2's non-de Leon schnozzle.

After my appointment in San Francisco, I sped back down to DC to meet with Dr. K. As always, everything was on point with Fireball 2 and we spent the bulk of the appointment just talking. Dr. K's wife passed away shortly before I lost Ethan so we often talk about our similar experiences with grief. During this visit, we came to the consensus that surviving the devastation of grief pretty much means you can survive anything. We also talked about the plan with Genetics and my upcoming amniocentesis. So far, I haven't heard any word on whether or not "London" found the mutations, but I'm hoping to hear back in a few short weeks.

I'm just hoping everything will turn out okay...whatever "okay" is.

Later that afternoon John took Kevie and Boo to the dentist. My brother is the RDA and we've been going to that practice for years now. John had no qualms about taking the kids alone. Dr. F (the dentist) is like family so the boys have zero fear of the dentist's office. Even with their weak little fangs. Boo had been complaining of pain for a few days, but as it turned out, his back molars are coming in. So, his gums were tender because he's -- I guess -- kind of teething? Lol. I'm no dentist so bare with me. Basically, my little Boo-Boo is getting his first pair of adult teeth and it hurts.

And I'm an old hag.

Kevin on the other hand, was a bit of a late bloomer. He still hasn't lost his 2nd tooth so the doctor yanked it out. The KID's adult teeth are growing in mighty crooked, but I have orthodontics coverage so I'm not worried. We had to temporarily put the tooth fairy on the back burner because I misplaced my tooth fairy letter and John didn't have cash to put in his pillow that day. (Parenting fail, yet again.) John told Kev that the tooth fairy was on summer break which -- to Kevin -- meant that the tooth fairy wasn't going to visit until school started again.

Crap.

John could have just told Kev that it was the tooth fairy's day off or something, but nooooo....he sucks at parental fibbing. There was no way to fix the summer break story once he said it. Omg, we're doing all sorts of "wrong" with this whole tooth fairy thing, aren't we?! On the upside, at least that gives me time to make another letter.

I missed out on the whole tooth fairy/dental appointment fiasco because I was in San Jose for the 96th Anniversary of my sisters/Stepmama's church. I had been meaning to attend one of their Bible studies for a while now, but finding the time to actually make the trip to Vallejo was a little more challenging than I thought. So, when my sister invited me to attend the celebration, I was more than happy to join them. My Stepmama and sisters have graciously attended the kids' religious events in the past, so the least I could do was reciprocate the same amount of open-mindedness and respect.

And, I was not disappointed. :)

It was very enlightening and educational to hear scripture interpreted from a different perspective. I was amazed to see so many people in attendance of the celebration, too. The whole event center at SJSU was filled and I really think it's a true testament to their faith in God and the Church. We (my sisters, stepmama, and I) come from different faiths so I had a lot of respect for what I learned that day. Most importantly of all, I was honored that my sister asked me to attend such a special celebration. It was nice to spend time with my sis, my future BIL, and my Nanay (grandmother). Nanay also attended the celebration and I believe this was the first time we've ever spent alone with her -- well, in a while at least.

I love my Nanay. I can listen to her tell stories for days.

More on her some other time...

The Infamous Clear Heels Post...

Written by me in 2006. An oldie, but goodie. By far one of my all-time favorite posts. Of note, I still need to buy myself some skank shoes.  Yet another "me time" task that I've placed on the back burner. Four years is waaaay too long.

Clear Heels...

Today my coworkers and I were discussing the definition of what makes a woman sexy. I say that sexy is a state of mind, not how people perceive you. Sexy doesn't necessarily mean "slutty".

One woman can feel sexy dressed conservatively while another defines sexy as showing as much skin as possible. Sexy is defined by how you feel inside, not by how you want others to see you. Sexy should be for yourself, not for the world. Sexy does not necessarily equal sex!

After having children, women easily forget what "sexy" is. Ironically, the ultimate expression of a woman's sexuality is the very thing that takes "sexy" away from us. Pregnancy can be a very erotic symbol if you think about it. It just screams, "Look, I had sex!" However, bearing a child and the aftermath of pregnancy can also increase a woman's insecurities.

I'm not only focusing on mothers or wives, but ALL WOMEN. Every woman from time to time loses sight of their sexiness. We obsess about our looks because of print media and television. We feel like we're not sexy because we don't meet our society's definition of "hot". The reality is all women are sexy dammit!!! Every woman can be sexy in their own way. You just have to rediscover yourself and ignore all the bullshit that is put out there.

So the question we were trying to answer is how do you bring "sexy" back? (No Justin Timberlake reference implied.)

I hypothesize that every woman should own one pair of what I like to call "skank shoes". EVERY woman should own a pair of the sluttiest shoes you can legally buy. Go to Broadway (in SF) and buy some clear- heeled stripper shoes if that's what you're in to! Regardless, your mission should be to find one pair of shoes that make you feel confident.

The shoes make the woman.

Shoe fanatics feel me on this! Certain shoes can make you feel a certain way thus wearing sexy shoes will make you feel sexy. Hahaha! You don't have to wear the shoes out, but just break them out when you're feeling particularly low on any given day. Wear 'em around the house while vacuuming or doing the dishes. Wait till the kids are asleep if you don't want to feel silly. Make a pact with your friends and wear them bad boys out in public if you have to. Whatever it takes to bring sexy back in your life.

Either way, I think every woman, especially mothers, should have one pair of skanky shoes to bring "sexy" back into their lives. I guarantee that it will work.

Now, who wants to go shoe shopping with me so we can test my theory? Hahahaha!

Pre-Surgery Reprieves...

I mentioned in my last post that I had two very relaxing reprieves before Niki was admitted to the hospital on 7/12. As promised, here's my post on those two events.

Friday, July 9, 2010:

John took me out on a unexpected dinner date to Espetus Churrascaria, a Brazilian steak house in the city. I LOVE that restaurant! Surprise dinners dates are always nice, but I surmise that John was just trying to brown-nose since he was leaving for Vegas in a week. The very first time I went to Espetus was for my sister's birthday dinner a few years ago---2006 I believe. If my memory serves me correctly, my StepMama went to a restaurant similar to Espetus in New York and that's how she found out about it. Let me just say that I've been smitten ever since! Not only do they keep the meat comin' at Espetus, some of the Gouchos are cute too.

Or perhaps it's just the juicy meat on skewers that gives them sex appeal.  ;-)

Nevertheless, there's nothing like succulent carnivore gluttony to make my pregnant belly happy. Ethan had the luxury of indulging at Espetus twice when I was pregnant with him. And now Fireball 2 has indulged too. :) I was so full that I knocked the hell out as soon as we got home. I didn't even give John any special attention to thank him for dinner because I was already waaaay too stuffed with meat when we got home. He had to save his hot links for some other time. ;-P (insert your audible gags here) LOL!

Pictures brought to you courtesy of my iPhone. I didn't want to take the Canon there lest I look like a *gasp* tourist during date night! Yikes! They're blurry, but you get the idea. If you're really interested to see what all the hype is about, check out Espetus if you're ever in SF.

 The yummiest salad bar ever...

I filled my plate to the brim with mango salad...

 As soon as our plates were filled, it was SIM, POR FAVOR for the rest of the night...

 Bring on the meat!

 These ribs are absolutely mouth-watering...

 The only sausage I had that night! Lol!

 I had enough after a little over an hour of eating...

 The BEST Tres Leches EVER!!!

 

 This was the cutest little teapot, short and stout. ;-)

 A trick I've been doing since I was a kid.

Saturday, July 10, 2010:

John and I spent most of the early morning and mid afternoon packing for Niki's hospital stay. As soon as we were done, we went off to Hayward for John's goddaughter's 1st birthday party. It was a very cute fairy princess party complete with dashes of summer time fun.

Niki got her very own no-sew tutu and fairy wings while the boys got a sand pail filled with all sorts of summer time goodies. And, John's cousin hired a caricature artist to draw pictures of the guests. Oh, and there was a pool too!  John got Niki a super cute swimsuit last season and she finally had the opportunity to break it in. Niki really loved the water -- this was her first time at a pool. The boys had blast splashing around in the pool as well. I swear these kids are totally like lions/cats sometimes though. Kevin and Boo were screaming like a banshees at first because they weren't used to being in a cold pool. However, the boys haven't been swimming in at least 2-3 years so I suppose it's understandable.  (On that note, I really need to enroll the boys in some swim lessons. I almost drowned when I was Kevie's age -- while wearing a life vest I might add -- during a childhood trip to Raging Waters. So. Not. Cool.) Anyway, the kids had a ball, the food was delish, and I got to satisfy my sweet-sour tooth at the candy bar before I entered the world of bland hospital food.

I couldn't think of a better way for our family to spend time together before Niki's surgery. There were so many other elements to the party that I could write about, but a picture speaks a thousand words. I didn't get official permission from the birthday girl's parents to post pictures of her, but she is SUPER adorable. Cute enough to be in a magazine even. :)

Enjoy!

 The boys were NOT lovin' it at first...

But they got used to it eventually...

Niki loved splashing in the water the entire time...

Yes, I painted her toes. It's non-toxic Piggy Paint so don't worry.

My Little Fairy...