Babies shouldn't die.
It seems to me like the Internet is filled with parents who have sick or dying babies. Or worse...babies who have already passed.
I missed my son today. I miss him every day, but today was not good. All it takes is one reminder and I am right back to the day Ethan passed. I'm still bleeding inside despite all of the distractions laid before me. Losing Ethan made me terrified of losing another child and I don't think I can handle that again. I hope and pray that my children will outlive me and not the other way around.
It hurts my heart whenever I remember how much Ethan went through. How afraid he must have been. How much pain he was feeling. Sometimes I lay awake and wonder why I couldn't save him. I hate when the house quiets down and I am the only one awake. I hate being alone with my thoughts.
Grief has left a feeling of vastness around me. No matter how much I try to cradle myself, my back still feels open to the world. I have many arms to embrace me, but Ethan's embrace is what I need right now. Lord, please help me overcome this feeling of despair!
I'd give anything to dream of him if only for one night.