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Friday, September 4, 2009

I'm in Trouble...

So, I had yet another crap-ass day yesterday. I got in "trouble" FOUR times at class last night.

Yes, ME....little old in school. What the eff?!

Pigs are flying somewhere in the world, I tell you.

Academically, I'm solid. I usually average a 84-90% on my exams. Not too freaking bad for someone who: (not listed in order of importance)

1) Gets off from work at 4:45 and makes it to class in Richmond during RUSH HOUR by barely 6pm.
2) Loses sleep after getting home from class at 10pm, sometimes 11pm, to study.
3) Attends work AND school full time!
4) Is only home Friday/Saturday nights and all day Sunday. (But is usually studying/resting)
5) Has THREE kids to care for.

Not too freaking bad, right? But, alas, life gets in the way. Even though I'm busting my ass, it is still not good enough. I am officially on the radar, folks.

For starters, I've been sick. So I've missed one class session (when I went to the ER on Wednesday) and two clinical sessions. (One last Saturday because I was sick with the flu or something and the other this past Tuesday because I was moving.) Shit happens. What can I do? I don't like to miss school, but I had to.

So, yesterday I had to sign two counseling forms. One for violating "school policy" about CALLING BEFORE I miss school. (Ya know, BEFORE I went to the ER.) I was already in the ER when JD went all the way to Richmond to give the message and drop off my homework BEFORE class started. However, because I didn't follow school policy verbatim by CALLING, I got written up. Bummer, right? The second counseling I received was for my attendance. I've missed two days of clinic and that is no good.

I also got two separate counselings for the same offense - leaving for 10-15 minutes during lecture. But let me rewind a bit...

I am all about full disclosure. School policy clearly states that cell phones MUST be off during lecture. At the start of the semester, I made it very clear to both of my teachers that I had to keep my cell phone on because of the kids and Niki's condition. The cell phone policy is a little more lax for the evening program so it was totally fine.

I swear to you, I've only had to answer the phone a total of 3-4 times in the middle of class. However, my attempt at "full disclosure" has backfired. Apparently, I've developed a pattern that both of my teachers took notice of. They have been talking with each other and somehow they attributed my leaving class to "taking advantage of the arrangement we made".

This is far from the case.

I LOST a child. I'm not going to risk losing another one by jinxing it and taking advantage of her condition. I would NEVER use Niki's condition as an "excuse". But to my dismay, this has become their perception of me. There is nothing I can do about it.

In actuality, I leave class because I'm fighting to stay awake. By 8:30-9:00pm I start to feel my eyes droop. Despite the copious amounts of coffee I drink throughout the day, there's no way around it. ...I am exhausted. I need to take a breather and splash cool water on my face or get fresh air. I am MOST definitely NOT chillin' on the phone taking advantage of the "perks" associated with Niki's condition.

I am a firm believer in NOT fucking with the universe.

Nevertheless, I got in trouble. My teachers has been talking and made up their mind about what they thought I was doing during my "frequent breaks". It sucks, but I had no other choice than to sign the paper. There was no section for me to make a comment either. Nice!

Okay, so I'm sensitive right? I hate to admit this but...I teared like a blubbering fool.

I've been sick, stressed, and exhausted. Normally, I can keep it together, but everything kind of culminated to this result. I just really felt like crap so I finally admitted that I was thinking about withdrawing from the program. (insert sniffles and waterworks here) I really didn't want to say anything until the semester was over, but they gave me no other choice. I was cornered. So now my teachers know. I expressed my desire to at least complete the semester because, in all honesty, I will NOT feel right until I at least get to see the fruits of my labor.

Why quit now when I only have three more weeks left?

So, the cat is out of the bag. I just need to survive the rest of the semester and I'm golden. :)

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