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Sunday, November 29, 2009

Every Fiber...

Thanksgiving just passed and it was another holiday spent without my special boy. My holiday was happy, but not quite. It's the simple things I miss really. I wish he could have tasted turkey. I wish he could be stuck in traffic with us. I desperately wish our family could be "complete".

I miss him with every fiber of my being.

I still cannot believe it has been almost two years since he was....born. I hesitated when I wrote that last sentence. My first instinct was to type "passed", but I refuse to dwell on that part of his life. People have tried to console me by reminding me I should be glad he wasn't older when he passed away.

And to be honest, I can see the logic behind those comments.

It's true, I didn't get to "know" him. And yes, I never had the opportunity to witness what type of person he was going to become. I will never know if he be would an extrovert like Kevin, or headstrong like Anthony, or grouchy like John, or senstive like me. I will never know if he really was going to be Anthony's twin or Kevin's junior.

I can only speculate.

However, there are things I know. Things I remember and will never forget. Things I miss with every fiber of my being. He had a dimple. He liked his binky. He preferred to wear hats. He made me crave California Rolls and Hot Apple Cider.

And he was is mine.

So, if someone were to ask me what would hurt more...."one week" versus "nine months" versus "four years" versus "six years"....? They are all the same to me.

And, I still miss him with every fiber of my being.

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