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Tuesday, January 26, 2010


There are signs everywhere if you keep your mind alert to them. I am a firm believer that our Creator gives us the opportunity to "see" what He has in store for us. There have been many signs that show me that what happened to us was meant to be, but a few in particular stick out:

1. The very first church John and I attended together was Holy Angels. The children's portion of cemetery where Ethan is buried is also called Holy Angels. Perhaps this was a small hint about how our faith would be important in the rough times ahead.

2. After Ethan passed away, I saw ladybugs everywhere (especially at the cemetery) and I couldn't quite figure out why. I gave birth to my very own LadyBug a few months later. The first woman I heard of with FVII-Def started the LadyBugs, LLC -- an awareness group for WWBDs. (Women with Bleeding Disorders)

3. Ethan was born 6:02am. I miscarried my first child on 6/2/2000. A doctor from Stanford theorized that I lost the first baby because he/she (we think he) could have been even more severely FVII-Def than Ethan and Niki. Our first cub and Ethan ultimately were both "incompatible with life".

4. Niki came home from the NICU on on 3/5/2009. Ethan was buried on 3/4/2008. We were cloaked in darkness in the year following his death and up until Niki came home. Sunshine had re-entered our lives one full year after the sunshine left.

5. Niki was born on Ethan's due date 2/16, but was due on Ethan's birth date 2/20. She entered our arms exactly one year after we expected him to enter ours. Maybe the fact that she was due on 2/20 meant that she and Ethan were going to be "twins" when it came to their condition.

All of these signs were more than coincidences. Ever since I realized how these small facts intertwined, I've tried to keep my eyes open. God is constantly speaking with us, we just have to pay attention.

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