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Saturday, February 20, 2010

Terrible Two...

Dear Little Lion,

Today would have been your 2nd Birthday and you'll be spending your "Terrible Twos" high in the sky.

I remember your birth day like it happened yesterday. I was at work when I started having contractions. It was about 4:30 pm and I still had one hour left in my shift. You were baby number three so I wasn't too concerned -- I decided to finish my shift. I called your Daddy at work to let him know that you were coming very soon.

Your brothers spent the night at Mom's house so your Daddy and I could go to the hospital when you were ready to come. Close to 3am I was ready to go. I wasn't sure if I was in active labor because my contractions were very irregular, but the pain was too much for me to handle.

So, your Daddy and I hopped in the car to make our way to San Francisco.

Unfortunately, your Daddy was ill-prepared because we still had to stop to get gas before we could go on the freeway! He knew I was going to give birth that day, but he neglected to fill up the tank before he came home.

(I still haven't let him live that one down. I even reminded him to get gas when your sister was on her way. But you knew that already, didn't you?)

So anyway, there I was having painful contractions in the car while your Daddy got gas at Chevron. My contractions were coming stronger by the minute and I was growing increasingly agitated while I sat alone in the car. I tried to multi-task to get my mind off the pain so I called San Francisco Kaiser to let them know we were on our way. I felt my heart sink when they told me they were FULL!

February 20th was a rainy day, a full moon, and the sky was preparing to have a lunar eclipse that evening. Labor & Delivery was packed.

So, San Francisco L&D told us to go to Kaiser Redwood City instead. I was in so much pain by the time we got there! The midwife checked me and told me that I would have you in 20 minutes if she broke my bag, but I just wanted drugs. The anesthesiologist came and gave me the epidural, but it was too late.

Only my the big toe on my right foot got numb!

Having a midwife deliver you was a completely new experience from what I was used to. Residents helped me bring your brothers into this world so having a midwife was just so different. But in a good way. She was encouraging and patient. She let me take my time and even used special oil to help ease you into this world. The room was so calm and serene when you were finally out -- it was 6:02 am. The first thing the midwife did was place you on my tummy. I never had that experience with your brothers. It was a wonderful feeling. You gazed up at me and you were so alert & beautiful. You weren't even crying! I will NEVER forget how perfect you looked at that moment.

I will always remember how your eyes looked like the first time they met mine.

We stayed in the hospital for one night. Everything went so smoothly with your birth that we got to go home early. Your brothers met you in the hospital, but they were even more excited when you came home. So many people came to see you. You were our 3rd boy, but you'd think that you were our first!

People went out of their way to see your precious face and I think it's because God was telling them that your time here on Earth was limited.

To this day I find peace knowing that you had the opportunity to meet a good portion of your family and friends. Your short stay in this world is a true testament to the quote "quality, not quantity". I'm positive that you could feel how much people loved you...I remember those happier memories whenever I feel down.

I have enough mental pictures to last a lifetime.

You were our first baby to like pacifiers. You had a single dimple on your right cheek. You slept best whenever you wore a hat. You were a very good baby! You hardly cried and slept very well. You were the perfect blend of Kev and Boo, I couldn't have asked for a more handsome baby. I feel so fortunate that God chose me to be your mother. There was an infinite number of people He could have chose, but He chose me. Even though you're gone, I know that you've served your purpose in this world.

You are "noble" in so many ways -- not just by blood.

For starters, your sister wouldn't be alive it weren't for you. She's a lucky little girl to have you as her big brother. I'm also a better mother because of you. I don't take time for granted anymore. I savor each moment, each milestone, each memory -- and I owe it all to you. You've made life's struggles easier to cope with because nothing EVER compares to what it felt like to lose you. In turn, my bond with your Daddy weathers all storms and hurdles that life throws our way. Your brothers wouldn't have learned empathy or faith at such an early age. That level of compassion takes time and your big brothers are wise beyond their years.

You brought our entire family closer to God, Ethan. That is a gift that keeps on giving.

Even though it's terrible that I can't physically see you turn "Terrible Two", I know in my heart that you're always with me. You are our advocate, our saint, our personal angel and I couldn't think of a better place for you spend your 2nd birthday.

I'll think of you today and every day there after until we can be together again. I love you with every fiber of my being. Happy Birthday, Son.



  1. tiff, it's j. my thoughts are with you, john & the kids today. i love you.