John came home from work with a surprise for me today. It is very unlike him to be spontaneous so when he told me that he got me a gift, I thought he was talking about candy or something.
But this guy pulled out an iPhone from his pocket!
At first I told him to return it, but everything was already activated. I've half-heartedly mentioned to him a couple of times before that I wanted a "techie phone", but I didn't actually think he would go out and get me one.
Besides, my "Getro" was perfectly fine.
Apparently, he knew how convenient this phone would be for me. I always have thousands of things on my "To Do" list and this phone has already helped me get organized in the few hours that I've had it. I can totally do all my "Mommy stuff" on here.
I'm kind of like "command central" for the den.
Keeping track of bills to pay, bank transactions, reminders for John, coffee/dinner dates, cemetery clearings, school functions, doctor/dental appointments, my medication schedule, Niki's infusion schedule, lab draws, clave changes, medical supply ordering, my ovulation days for NFP (to abstain or not to abstain) and Niki's bleeding episodes are now all at my fingertips. So, now I have the dry erase board at home AND an electronic version!
This has gotta be how the head honchos at Kaiser felt when they switched to electronic charting. Pretty awesome stuff! :)
Aside from of the important things, I even get to partake in a whole bunch of nifty apps for freezy! Okay, I know I'm super late on getting the "iPhones are Awesome" memo, but I'm really loving this phone.
No more getting lost, constantly breaking the Internet rule at work, twittering from the computer, or worrying about if I forgot something. I installed the Blogger app so I HAD to check it out.
And I think this might be the beginning of a beautiful relationship! :)
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Terrible Two...
Dear Little Lion,
Today would have been your 2nd Birthday and you'll be spending your "Terrible Twos" high in the sky.
I remember your birth day like it happened yesterday. I was at work when I started having contractions. It was about 4:30 pm and I still had one hour left in my shift. You were baby number three so I wasn't too concerned -- I decided to finish my shift. I called your Daddy at work to let him know that you were coming very soon.
Your brothers spent the night at Mom's house so your Daddy and I could go to the hospital when you were ready to come. Close to 3am I was ready to go. I wasn't sure if I was in active labor because my contractions were very irregular, but the pain was too much for me to handle.
So, your Daddy and I hopped in the car to make our way to San Francisco.
Unfortunately, your Daddy was ill-prepared because we still had to stop to get gas before we could go on the freeway! He knew I was going to give birth that day, but he neglected to fill up the tank before he came home.
(I still haven't let him live that one down. I even reminded him to get gas when your sister was on her way. But you knew that already, didn't you?)
Unfortunately, your Daddy was ill-prepared because we still had to stop to get gas before we could go on the freeway! He knew I was going to give birth that day, but he neglected to fill up the tank before he came home.
(I still haven't let him live that one down. I even reminded him to get gas when your sister was on her way. But you knew that already, didn't you?)
So anyway, there I was having painful contractions in the car while your Daddy got gas at Chevron. My contractions were coming stronger by the minute and I was growing increasingly agitated while I sat alone in the car. I tried to multi-task to get my mind off the pain so I called San Francisco Kaiser to let them know we were on our way. I felt my heart sink when they told me they were FULL!
February 20th was a rainy day, a full moon, and the sky was preparing to have a lunar eclipse that evening. Labor & Delivery was packed.
So, San Francisco L&D told us to go to Kaiser Redwood City instead. I was in so much pain by the time we got there! The midwife checked me and told me that I would have you in 20 minutes if she broke my bag, but I just wanted drugs. The anesthesiologist came and gave me the epidural, but it was too late.
Only my the big toe on my right foot got numb!
Having a midwife deliver you was a completely new experience from what I was used to. Residents helped me bring your brothers into this world so having a midwife was just so different. But in a good way. She was encouraging and patient. She let me take my time and even used special oil to help ease you into this world. The room was so calm and serene when you were finally out -- it was 6:02 am. The first thing the midwife did was place you on my tummy. I never had that experience with your brothers. It was a wonderful feeling. You gazed up at me and you were so alert & beautiful. You weren't even crying! I will NEVER forget how perfect you looked at that moment.
I will always remember how your eyes looked like the first time they met mine.
We stayed in the hospital for one night. Everything went so smoothly with your birth that we got to go home early. Your brothers met you in the hospital, but they were even more excited when you came home. So many people came to see you. You were our 3rd boy, but you'd think that you were our first!
People went out of their way to see your precious face and I think it's because God was telling them that your time here on Earth was limited.
To this day I find peace knowing that you had the opportunity to meet a good portion of your family and friends. Your short stay in this world is a true testament to the quote "quality, not quantity". I'm positive that you could feel how much people loved you...I remember those happier memories whenever I feel down.
I have enough mental pictures to last a lifetime.
You were our first baby to like pacifiers. You had a single dimple on your right cheek. You slept best whenever you wore a hat. You were a very good baby! You hardly cried and slept very well. You were the perfect blend of Kev and Boo, I couldn't have asked for a more handsome baby. I feel so fortunate that God chose me to be your mother. There was an infinite number of people He could have chose, but He chose me. Even though you're gone, I know that you've served your purpose in this world.
You are "noble" in so many ways -- not just by blood.
For starters, your sister wouldn't be alive it weren't for you. She's a lucky little girl to have you as her big brother. I'm also a better mother because of you. I don't take time for granted anymore. I savor each moment, each milestone, each memory -- and I owe it all to you. You've made life's struggles easier to cope with because nothing EVER compares to what it felt like to lose you. In turn, my bond with your Daddy weathers all storms and hurdles that life throws our way. Your brothers wouldn't have learned empathy or faith at such an early age. That level of compassion takes time and your big brothers are wise beyond their years.
You brought our entire family closer to God, Ethan. That is a gift that keeps on giving.
Even though it's terrible that I can't physically see you turn "Terrible Two", I know in my heart that you're always with me. You are our advocate, our saint, our personal angel and I couldn't think of a better place for you spend your 2nd birthday.
I'll think of you today and every day there after until we can be together again. I love you with every fiber of my being. Happy Birthday, Son.
Love,
Mommy
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Blogger...
My Blogger hasn't been functioning properly. Things that I thought were published were actually not published until today. Anyway... read on!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
One Year...
Dear Niki,
Today is your first birthday and I can't get over how much you've overcome in the past year. The last 12 months have been filled with emotion for your Daddy and I -- lots of highs and lows.
The day you were born (President's Day 2/16/09) was one of the happiest and scariest days of my life. To be honest, I did nothing but fear the idea of having another "deficient child" during my entire pregnancy. I was terrified with the idea of you dying from the same disorder that took your brother's life. There was a 25% chance, but there was no way we could find out until you were born. You came into this world quickly (drug free, I might add!) and Daddy and I were ecstatic that our daughter was finally here! You looked so beautiful, baby. My arms were full once more.
Even though your brother cannot be replaced, having you made me feel sane again.
Your Daddy and I marveled at how gorgeous you were, but we also watched for "scary things" like seizures. After all, my pushing you out into this world could have caused a brain bleed if you did indeed have FVII Deficiency. Two hours later our fears were confirmed when the doctor said...
"It appears that you daughter is has severe Factor VII Deficiency."
I felt instant guilt when I heard those words. They whisked you away to the Intensive Care Nursery-- the same ICN that took care of your brother -- where a team of doctors and nurses were waiting to evaluate you. Now that we knew you had a bleeding disorder, they had to act quickly to make sure you didn't have any bleeding in your brain. It was a scary time for your Daddy and I. We had to stay in the recovery room while the doctors examined you. All we could do was cry and mourn the life that lay ahead for you.
We felt terrible that we created another child that would "suffer".
But...luck, God, and Ethan were all on your side that day. The doctors and nurses in the ICN were the same doctors and nurses that took care of Ethan. And, they learned a lot from your brother. Dr. Awesome (who also took care of Ethan) was on-call too! Most importantly the ultrasound confirmed that you did NOT have a brain bleed.
You were in an isolette when we finally got to see you. They had you hooked up to all sorts of wires and IVs. It was a scary, but familiar sight. Despite all of the medical equipment around you, you were absolutely at peace. Your nurses kept commenting on how special you were.
One in a million in fact!
The ICN nurses wouldn't even let you cry because crying hard could cause your brain to bleed. So, you were already a Queen from the start. The ICN nurses carried you all the time! Your Neonatologist, Dr. T even wrote in your chart "handle with extreme care" and "no crying".
You were spoiled from the moment you were born, Little Girl.
Your Daddy and I got over our sadness quickly. We knew you were going to be okay despite your "noble blood". We even joked about how girly you were going to have to be. I told our family that we would simply treat you like fine antique china.
Or beautiful crystal even. :)
The next few weeks of your life consisted of a whirlwind of events. You had a blood transfusion and got your first dose of factor in the San Francisco ICN. So many people came to visit you! When you were two days old you were transported to Oakland Kaiser's NICU. We had to say goodbye to our San Francisco ICN "family" to meet a new set of doctors and nurses. The ambulance company made us sign a waiver in case you were injured from all the bumping around on the ride to Oakland.
You made it in once piece, thank goodness!
The nurses in Oakland were very nice. I cried the first night we had to leave you there. We couldn't stay because there was no room, but eventually we got used to going to Oakland everyday. I was there with you from morning until late at night. Your poor brothers must have missed me, but I knew that you needed me more for the moment.
You had surgery on 2/21/09 for your first Broviac. It was very risky because of your bleeding disorder, but you didn't bleed that much. You looked like you were in so much pain after your surgery, but the next day things were actually starting to look up. You were such a tough little newborn -- you barely needed any pain medication. The NICU had a very special nurse assigned to teach your Daddy and I how to mix your factor and administer it through your Broviac.
In fact, your Daddy was the first one (between the two of us) to administer your factor.
Less than 48 hours later, your Broviac failed. It was a defective catheter so they had to put you in surgery again. This time, they moved the catheter right above your heart. (The first one dangled out of your abdomen.) You were such a trooper, Niki-Face. You had two surgeries in less than a week! I'm sure your little body was sore everywhere, but you were still eating like a champ. You weren't fussy at all and you were only one day post-op!
Your nurses said you were the prettiest baby in the NICU because of your lashes and "Angelina Jolie" lips. (She'll probably be an old lady by the time you can read/understand this letter but trust me, it's a compliment.)
Your Daddy and I started to immerse ourselves into our new "hemo parent lifestyle". We learned how perform dressing changes, mix your factor, and access your Broviac right there in the NICU. It was very different for the both of us, but we got used to it. The first time we did your dressing change it took up almost an hour, but now we can get it done in less than 10 minutes!!
It wasn't as scary as we thought it would be.
Little by little Dr. Awesome weaned you off of NovoSeven, too. You were getting it every couple of hours, then three times a day, then twice a day, but by the time you were ready to be released you only needed your factor once a day. Now you're on it every other day. Who knows, maybe someday you won't need it at all.
You've used over a million dollars of NovoSeven by now, but I say you're worth every penny.
You came home on March 5th -- exactly one day after your brother was buried a year earlier. (3/4/08) It was a such wonderful gift to bring you home. It felt so nice to hold you without being tethered by wires and tubes. There were so many beautiful signs telling us that this was your destiny. Our den had a baby again and she was here to stay!
Watching your grow has taught us a lot about ourselves as parents. We've been though some pretty challenging times with you, Miss Diva. You've made me laugh and cry all in one breath! Everything in this past year has been a beautiful learning experience.
We've changed as a family, too.
Your older brothers know compassion, consideration, and delicacy because of you. They are your protectors and advocates. Boo will kick a kid's a** for you and Kev is always trying to teach you new things. Those boys love you to death. They want to learn how to administer factor and they're always playing with your supplies. They even play "tea party" with you because they know you love it so much. When they grow up I'm sure they'll hate the home video I have, but it's an innocent testament to how much they love you. Don't ever forget that once sibling rivalry starts to kick in.
I have no doubt in my mind that having you as their sister will teach them how to treat a lady.
You are such strong, determined little girl. You'll scream and fight if you want something or if someone is messing with you. I hope that personality trait will stay 'cause your Mama is a emotional weakling. You may be a "bleeder", but you're a tough little cub! You love to dance and play, but you won't go to just anybody. Actually, you're a bit of a tease! Your personality is a lot like your Daddy's -- you're "anti-social" but once you open your heart to someone, you'll love them forever.
You're a daredevil, sensitive sweetheart, and diva all at the same time. You move around so much, but you also seem so cautious. What I enjoy the most about you right now is your affinity for pretty shoes. You always tilt your feet to admire every aspect and angle of your little kicks. Such a girl, but such a treat to buy things for!
Your Daddy spoils you rotten.
It has been one year since you've graced the Earth with your presence and I am so glad that God gave us a child like you. Your brother's death saved your life and you are here today because of him. (And God, of course!) You haven't "suffered" one teeny, tiny bit. There is nothing to feel sorry for.
No matter what lies ahead, always remember how much you've overcome in the first year of your life. There aren't very many one year olds like you. God gives you what He thinks you can handle so don't let anyone ever bring you down. NEVER feel sorry for yourself because you are different. Always appreciate how LUCKY you were to be chosen for the path God has laid out for you. Not too many people are chosen to be extraordinary. I am so lucky to be YOUR Mom.
You are so very special and unique --- not like the other princesses in the land-- but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Happy Birthday, Baby Girl. Here's to sooooo many more to come!
Love,
Mommy
Today is your first birthday and I can't get over how much you've overcome in the past year. The last 12 months have been filled with emotion for your Daddy and I -- lots of highs and lows.
The day you were born (President's Day 2/16/09) was one of the happiest and scariest days of my life. To be honest, I did nothing but fear the idea of having another "deficient child" during my entire pregnancy. I was terrified with the idea of you dying from the same disorder that took your brother's life. There was a 25% chance, but there was no way we could find out until you were born. You came into this world quickly (drug free, I might add!) and Daddy and I were ecstatic that our daughter was finally here! You looked so beautiful, baby. My arms were full once more.
Even though your brother cannot be replaced, having you made me feel sane again.
Your Daddy and I marveled at how gorgeous you were, but we also watched for "scary things" like seizures. After all, my pushing you out into this world could have caused a brain bleed if you did indeed have FVII Deficiency. Two hours later our fears were confirmed when the doctor said...
"It appears that you daughter is has severe Factor VII Deficiency."
I felt instant guilt when I heard those words. They whisked you away to the Intensive Care Nursery-- the same ICN that took care of your brother -- where a team of doctors and nurses were waiting to evaluate you. Now that we knew you had a bleeding disorder, they had to act quickly to make sure you didn't have any bleeding in your brain. It was a scary time for your Daddy and I. We had to stay in the recovery room while the doctors examined you. All we could do was cry and mourn the life that lay ahead for you.
We felt terrible that we created another child that would "suffer".
But...luck, God, and Ethan were all on your side that day. The doctors and nurses in the ICN were the same doctors and nurses that took care of Ethan. And, they learned a lot from your brother. Dr. Awesome (who also took care of Ethan) was on-call too! Most importantly the ultrasound confirmed that you did NOT have a brain bleed.
You were in an isolette when we finally got to see you. They had you hooked up to all sorts of wires and IVs. It was a scary, but familiar sight. Despite all of the medical equipment around you, you were absolutely at peace. Your nurses kept commenting on how special you were.
One in a million in fact!
The ICN nurses wouldn't even let you cry because crying hard could cause your brain to bleed. So, you were already a Queen from the start. The ICN nurses carried you all the time! Your Neonatologist, Dr. T even wrote in your chart "handle with extreme care" and "no crying".
You were spoiled from the moment you were born, Little Girl.
Your Daddy and I got over our sadness quickly. We knew you were going to be okay despite your "noble blood". We even joked about how girly you were going to have to be. I told our family that we would simply treat you like fine antique china.
Or beautiful crystal even. :)
The next few weeks of your life consisted of a whirlwind of events. You had a blood transfusion and got your first dose of factor in the San Francisco ICN. So many people came to visit you! When you were two days old you were transported to Oakland Kaiser's NICU. We had to say goodbye to our San Francisco ICN "family" to meet a new set of doctors and nurses. The ambulance company made us sign a waiver in case you were injured from all the bumping around on the ride to Oakland.
You made it in once piece, thank goodness!
The nurses in Oakland were very nice. I cried the first night we had to leave you there. We couldn't stay because there was no room, but eventually we got used to going to Oakland everyday. I was there with you from morning until late at night. Your poor brothers must have missed me, but I knew that you needed me more for the moment.
You had surgery on 2/21/09 for your first Broviac. It was very risky because of your bleeding disorder, but you didn't bleed that much. You looked like you were in so much pain after your surgery, but the next day things were actually starting to look up. You were such a tough little newborn -- you barely needed any pain medication. The NICU had a very special nurse assigned to teach your Daddy and I how to mix your factor and administer it through your Broviac.
In fact, your Daddy was the first one (between the two of us) to administer your factor.
Less than 48 hours later, your Broviac failed. It was a defective catheter so they had to put you in surgery again. This time, they moved the catheter right above your heart. (The first one dangled out of your abdomen.) You were such a trooper, Niki-Face. You had two surgeries in less than a week! I'm sure your little body was sore everywhere, but you were still eating like a champ. You weren't fussy at all and you were only one day post-op!
Your nurses said you were the prettiest baby in the NICU because of your lashes and "Angelina Jolie" lips. (She'll probably be an old lady by the time you can read/understand this letter but trust me, it's a compliment.)
Your Daddy and I started to immerse ourselves into our new "hemo parent lifestyle". We learned how perform dressing changes, mix your factor, and access your Broviac right there in the NICU. It was very different for the both of us, but we got used to it. The first time we did your dressing change it took up almost an hour, but now we can get it done in less than 10 minutes!!
It wasn't as scary as we thought it would be.
Little by little Dr. Awesome weaned you off of NovoSeven, too. You were getting it every couple of hours, then three times a day, then twice a day, but by the time you were ready to be released you only needed your factor once a day. Now you're on it every other day. Who knows, maybe someday you won't need it at all.
You've used over a million dollars of NovoSeven by now, but I say you're worth every penny.
You came home on March 5th -- exactly one day after your brother was buried a year earlier. (3/4/08) It was a such wonderful gift to bring you home. It felt so nice to hold you without being tethered by wires and tubes. There were so many beautiful signs telling us that this was your destiny. Our den had a baby again and she was here to stay!
Watching your grow has taught us a lot about ourselves as parents. We've been though some pretty challenging times with you, Miss Diva. You've made me laugh and cry all in one breath! Everything in this past year has been a beautiful learning experience.
We've changed as a family, too.
Your older brothers know compassion, consideration, and delicacy because of you. They are your protectors and advocates. Boo will kick a kid's a** for you and Kev is always trying to teach you new things. Those boys love you to death. They want to learn how to administer factor and they're always playing with your supplies. They even play "tea party" with you because they know you love it so much. When they grow up I'm sure they'll hate the home video I have, but it's an innocent testament to how much they love you. Don't ever forget that once sibling rivalry starts to kick in.
I have no doubt in my mind that having you as their sister will teach them how to treat a lady.
You are such strong, determined little girl. You'll scream and fight if you want something or if someone is messing with you. I hope that personality trait will stay 'cause your Mama is a emotional weakling. You may be a "bleeder", but you're a tough little cub! You love to dance and play, but you won't go to just anybody. Actually, you're a bit of a tease! Your personality is a lot like your Daddy's -- you're "anti-social" but once you open your heart to someone, you'll love them forever.
You're a daredevil, sensitive sweetheart, and diva all at the same time. You move around so much, but you also seem so cautious. What I enjoy the most about you right now is your affinity for pretty shoes. You always tilt your feet to admire every aspect and angle of your little kicks. Such a girl, but such a treat to buy things for!
Your Daddy spoils you rotten.
It has been one year since you've graced the Earth with your presence and I am so glad that God gave us a child like you. Your brother's death saved your life and you are here today because of him. (And God, of course!) You haven't "suffered" one teeny, tiny bit. There is nothing to feel sorry for.
No matter what lies ahead, always remember how much you've overcome in the first year of your life. There aren't very many one year olds like you. God gives you what He thinks you can handle so don't let anyone ever bring you down. NEVER feel sorry for yourself because you are different. Always appreciate how LUCKY you were to be chosen for the path God has laid out for you. Not too many people are chosen to be extraordinary. I am so lucky to be YOUR Mom.
You are so very special and unique --- not like the other princesses in the land-- but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Happy Birthday, Baby Girl. Here's to sooooo many more to come!
Love,
Mommy
Friday, February 12, 2010
Niki's Birthday Photo Shoot...
All of these pictures were taken by NVS Photography on 2/11/10. I highly recommend Mike Payad. He DID a beautiful job capturing Niki's personality. :)
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