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Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Seizing the Moment...

I saw this for the first time today:

This is the last video I have of Ethan. I was standing right beside my cousin (the one speaking in the background) when he shot this footage. When Ethan fell ill, we didn't want anyone taking pictures of him. This was the same rule we upheld even after Ethan passed away. No pictures, no video. We set this rule because we simply didn't want people to *possibly* share (video/pics) before we had the opportunity to emotionally process what happened to our son.

This video was the exception to that rule.

My cousin is deeply religious and came all the way down from Sacramento to see Ethan before we withdrew care. He asked me if it were alright to take a short video of Ethan to show his church. At first, I declined. But...when he told me that he was planning to share the video with his church so they could pray for Ethan, I obliged.

Now, I cherish this footage so very much!

And now realize how much I regret not documenting everything about Ethan. I wish I allowed photos of Ethan's funeral because his services were so beautiful. I could tell them (the cubs) how beautiful the service was until I'm blue in the face, but a picture speaks a thousand words.

The kids deserved a chance to alleviate any curiosity they may have in the future.

I/we robbed them of that chance when we made the decision we made. Now, it's too late to seize the moment. Words cannot paint an accurate picture. Ethan looked so peaceful, like he was sleeping. Ethan had so many flowers. The weather was gorgeous the day your brother was buried. There were so many people that came to see him. He was SO loved.

Those words do no justice to describe how special his services really were.

So, with that being said, I am asking all of you "secret picture takers" to come out from the woodwork. Despite our rule, I *think* I heard camera phones clicking and saw flashes in my peripheral vision.

If you or anyone you know has ANYTHING (video/pics/diary entries/whatever!) of Ethan, please share them with me.

I desperately want to have these treasured moments for the years to come.

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