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Monday, July 27, 2009

Kevin & The Internet...

I stayed home and studied all day yesterday. John took the kids with him to my mother-in-law's house to give me some peace and quiet. Once they were gone, I dove into my books full force. This obviously led to a very mentally stressful day. At least it was until John and the kids came home. I learned something new about Kev yesterday. Apparently, Kev was using the computer at my mother-in-law's house when visited a questionable website.

And...he got caught.

Now, now, before you get any ideas I should mention that it was NOT porn site. (Thank goodness!) Nah, Kev hasn't accidentally seen one of those sites since he was two. Four years ago, he unknowingly clicked on a link someone had saved on their computer. Despite the fact that he was laughing hysterically at the big booty-jiggling he saw on the screen, he was TWO so I doubted any potential emotional damage would occur. (It was just a girl bouncing her HUGE BUTT so there was no penetrative sex involved. Not as bad as it could have been.) I was more dismissive back then because frankly, how much does anyone remember at that age? But six? Six is a different story. I'm not a prude, but I still heavily monitor Kev's Internet activities. A slip of the finger could wreak havoc on a young, impressionable mind. (And eyes.)

But alas, this was not the case! Kev typed the web address.

I wasn't supposed to know about it at first. John made a fatherly pact with Kevin to "not tell Mommy", but Anthony made sure that he blew their cover. Oh, revenge is a dish best served cold! Boo learned at a young age, I guess. I have a lingering feeling it was payback time for the two-cents Kevin threw in during the Metal Ball of Doom incident. In any case, as soon as they came home Anthony blurted out,

"I'm telling Mommee what you did Kevie."

This is the conversation that followed:

Me: (to John) What did he do?
John: Shh..just forget about it. (Kev scampered out of the room.)
Me: No, what did he do? John, no fair. No secrets when it comes to the kids. No good cop, bad cop stuff. Tell me...what did he do?
Anthony: (Devilishly shifting his eyes & licking his lips.) Kevie went ona website and looked at the girls butts. I sawed him dood it!
Me: Kevin, come here please. (He was eavesdropping outside of our door. He ran in and quickly sat down next to me.) What website did you go on?
Kev: fart dot com (He was looking down.)
Me: What? Where? (I had to stifle my surprised chuckling.)
Kev: fart dot com (He was looking at me with huge, confused eyes.)
Me: WHY??? (I was definitely giggling.)

Now, by this time John was shaking his head and smiling. Laughter is contagious in our household so if either of us "parental units" start to giggle, the other will sure follow. (Pat on my back for being able to keep my composure....NOT!) Relieved that he wasn't on, I couldn't hide my amusement any longer. I totally lost my "stern Mommy look". Any chance of me appearing as an authoritative figure went completely to shit. (Way to go, Tiff!) Of course, Kev's irresistible dimple emerged once he saw all of the seriousness melt away from my face.

What can I say? The K.I.D. knows my weakness.

Kev: "Well, I'm just really smart..." (his dimple already reached maximum depth)
Me: (I sterned-up a little) I know you're smart, but that website is for adults. You should know better than that. Going on fart dot com is unacceptable. How do you know how to spell fart?
Kev: Well, Ate Ashley showed me....
Me: Well, I don't care who showed you, no more fart dot com. Only educational websites like sprout or noggin. Once you're big and you know everything, then you can go on there. When you're tall like Daddy, then it will be okay. But for now, you're still too little and that's a big-people website. Got it?
Kev: Yes, Mommy.
Me: Anthony, you too, okay?
Anthony: Yes, Mama.

I mean really, what else could I say?

I didn't want to reprimand him for being curious about the opposite sex. It is completely normal, after all. I'm want to raise my kids to have high self-esteem so I try not to instill social stigmas about sex. I said my piece and let it go. (I had a good laugh about it later since this parenting stuff is just plain funny sometimes.) I also made a mental note to make a "motherly assessment" on the content of that website.

I did it today.

School has *momentarily* stopped kicking my ass for the evening. (Just in time for me to blog, yay!) As soon as I got home from school this evening, I moseyed on over to fart dot com. I do not endorse this site, but in case you're interested (and I know some of you are), here at the derrieres that enthralled my six year old son so much:

My son, the "Typical Male". He has his father's taste.

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