John and I met in May 1998 - our SOPHOMORE YEAR in high school - and we've been together ever since. In the past eleven years we've managed to have FOUR kids. Yep, babies having babies! Kevin was born on my 21st birthday so John and I didn't really have the opportunity to "be young and stupid". Instead of a beer, I had a baby. Whenever things get stressful at the lion's den, I miss my more youthful, naive days.
When we were fifteen we had no work, no bills, no kids, and NO stress!
It's not that I regret having children. Actually, I'm convinced that becoming a mother was the best thing that ever happened to me. I simply miss being "my age" sometimes because it's just REALLY hard to be a parent. Some of my friends still go clubbin' every weekend! Despite being a parent for nearly seven years, I still do feel tiny pangs of jealously whenever I can't go out to let loose. Mama needs a drink too! All joking aside, I feel stress (and huge waves of waves of anxiety) sweep over me whenever I "remember" that I am 100% responsible for the lives of all the little people in our household.
And I speak from personal experience when I say that parents can really f*ck a kid up.
I tend to be very hard on myself when it comes to being a mother because I am extremely insecure with my ability to be the "perfect mom". Yeah, I'm anal like that. I know that no one is perfect, but I REALLY don't want to f*ck MY kids up. I constantly worry about my "parental qualifications" thus I stress the f*ck out. But...no matter how stressful things can be, it has been oh so rewarding to be 100% responsible for taming these cubs.
I've been blessed with the honor of raising some pretty compassionate little people. :)
Earlier today God took a moment to remind me just how special my little lions are. We were visiting Ethan when I saw Kevin place a piece of Hi-Chew on his headstone. Anthony followed suit and placed a piece of his Hi-Chew there as well. When I asked them what they were doing they told me that they were giving Ethan some candy for Halloween. That was the first time I realized that they still care about their little brother just as much as I do. I honestly thought they forgot about him.
It was such a huge gesture from such tiny people and I was so glad I was able to witness it.