On 5/20, I sent an e-mail to HemAware Magazine about the lack of condition-specific sex information for people with bleeding disorders. I wasn't bullshitting when I said that I was inspired by "Ed" to find out more information on sex and hemophilia. Now that I was on the verge of completing my Sex Educator program, I felt more confident in my ability to give an adequate commentary on the subject matter.
In my e-mail, I also offered to do research on this sex and hemophilia (if the data wasn't already out there) and perhaps putting something together for the Community Voices section of the magazine. Or maybe even a piece on how challenging it is being a working mother while raising a child with a bleeding disorder. As it turned out, the person from HemAware/NHF who responded (the next day!) was also the same woman I met at Building Bridges Conference.
She remembered who John and I were and advised me that HemAware was looking for a mom blogger. (Well shoot...that's me, isn't it?) My "biggest fan" (John) egged me on to respond back and tell her that I was interested in writing for them. I light-heartedly flirted with the idea of doing it, but I didn't really think it would go anywhere. That was until she asked me for my blog link so she could get a sense of my voice. Uh-oh.
I believe, "I'm fucked" is what I thought when I read her e-mail response.
I started this blogging-thing as an outlet. In case you haven't noticed, I cuss like a sailor and I talk about my pekpek way too much on this blog. On top of that, I've never had any experience writing professionally. So, when she asked me for my blog link, I thought I didn't stand a chance. In fact, I was down right terrified of sending my URL. My insecurity set in (as always) because I didn't think that I was "good enough" to write for a nationwide publication.
I thought about it over the weekend and decided to send my link the following Monday morning. What did I have to lose, right?
A few hours later she responded telling me that they wanted me to consider to being their mommy blogger! WOW. I was speechless and honored. I've received Facebook messages and emails from people telling me how "inspiring" my blogs are, but I didn't want to believe those things. (Yes, I know....there go my self-esteem issues again.) In all honesty though, I'm just being me. I'm doing what I've got to do and I just so happen to write about it. I never felt that there was anything special about me or my writing. I didn't go to Harvard so I don't have the credentials to prove my worth either.
Besides, I'm a horrible proof-reader. ;-)
I was ecstatic. Of course, once I received the good news I immediately told John. He was super excited for me (for us) because lately, our lives have been filled with nothing but bad news. At the time, John went on FaceBook quoting the Beastie Boys and I think it might have given people the wrong impression about my "skills to pay the bills". People get the wrong message all the time on the internet/text/digital age, but if you know a person --how they are IRL-- there is a huge difference between showing off and being proud of an accomplishment. I'm just sharing our story of grief, love, life, and perseverance with people who are going through struggles similar to my own. And dang-it, I'm proud of it. So today, I'm screaming from the rooftops.
My first blog entry is up. Check me out every Wednesday on HemAware.org!
Blood, Sweat, and Tears : Diary of a HemoMom